The heart wants what the heart wants...

Question

My boyfriend gets so drunk sometimes that he blacks out and doesn’t remember what happened the night before. He is trying to control his drinking because I asked him to and he doing really well but once in a while, about every 2 months or so, he slips up and goes on a binge that can last 2 or 3 or even 4 days. This happened last weekend and he confessed to me that he woke up in the morning with a woman in his bed. He called me right away and he confessed to me what had happened and he swore he had no memory of how it happened. He is really sorry but where does that leave me? Is getting really drunk actually a good enough excuse to f**ck another person. We were talking about getting married and now I don’t know what to do. I am dealing with a lot of emotions and I am so sad and angry that he could have been so stupid that he might have destroyed our future together. Do you have any advice for me?

Carole Gilmore · Accepted Answer

Dear Anonymous,

It sounds like you are in a difficult situation. I would advise you to ask yourself what you believe you deserve in a relationship. Understandably you care for your boyfriend, but it may be time for him to care of himself. Meaning until he decides to take his drinking seriously (i.e., seek professional assistance because he believes he has a problem not because he is trying to please you or anyone else) he may not be in a position to be committed to anyone, including you. Marriage presents its own challenges and if your boyfriend is allegedly struggling with a substance abuse problem you may want to put marriage on hold for a bit and seek counseling for the issues that you guys are presently facing.

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