Teen Behavior Problem at Home

Question

Dr. Hilber. When is it time to send a child away from the home? Our daughter who is 14 years old and is verbally abusive and increasingly violent to myself and my wife. She is an only child. I am confused because she does not have any behavior problems at school or at soccer but then she is a devil at home and It is getting so bad that I don’t always feel safe when we go to bed while she is still raging in her room after we have punished her. We are trying to maintain a unified front and disciplining her for her outbursts and letting her face the natural consequences of her actions but it just doesn’t seem to be helping. We have talked to the counselor at her school but she was dissmisive of our concerns because she does not see what we see. I am exhausted with her. I feel so sorry for her when she suffers from what she does after the fact but in the heat of the moment she is really an unlovable person who just wants to cause my wife and I as much emotional pain as she possible can. Should we consider a behavior problem boarding school? We are honestly scared of her.

Dr. Tanya Hilber · Accepted Answer

Safety is always first. If you don't feel safe or your don't think you can keep your daughter safe, you may call 911 and the professionals can help you. If it's not a safety issue, then counseling would be helpful for your daughter and your family. It doesn't sound like she has behavioral problems at other places besides home, indicating that there can be some work done at home.

Also, remember that people want to hurt others when they are hurting themselves. The point is to have others "understand" what they feel like. Unfortunately, each person is different and cannot fully understand the exact way they feel. Remembering this is helpful so discipline can be consistent and expectations are set as standards.

Let me remind you of this site's disclaimer and that this is not professional advice. I would suggest that you do seek professional advice from a therapist or psychologist to make your next decision. It's great that you're seeking out assistance!

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