What I do
Psychologist
Answered Questions(6)
Rage and PTSD
My husband is an Afghan war vet and he is now dealing with PTSD as well as lingering physical trauma injuries. He gets PTSD counseling with the VA but after about a year of therapy he doesn’t seem that much improved to me. I feel really terrible to be thinking this, but I am not sure how much longer I can endure. The problem is his anger. We will be having a nice day as a family and then some little thing will set him off and he’ll go into a blind rage, even smashing furniture and whatever else gets in his way. I understand that this is a part of his condition and I (try) not to take it personally and I try to be supportive, but it is really draining to always be waiting for the shoe to drop and for the explosion to come. We also have 2 small children. They are too young to understand why daddy gets so mad, but they can feel it. He is never physically abusive to any of us. I was prepared to stand by him and I think that this is the right thing to do and I know that his anger is not his fault. But since things don’t seem to be getting any better after a year of therapy, I honestly don’t know if I can stand this emotional roller coaster for the rest of my life. If he is not better after a year is likely to get better ever?
Read answer →My Fiancee can get violent. She was abused as a child
My fiancée grew up in a terrible and very violent household. Her father beat her mother regularly and would also beat and humiliate my fiancé and her sister pretty regularly. Her father died when she was 23. She is now 28. She has told me some of what growing up was life but it’s not something she likes to talk about very much. She hates her father and I know she doesn’t want our life to be anything like the family life she grew up in. I am concerned, however, that she has a violent and out of control side. She is normally a very sweet and kind person, but there have been a few times when we have had very big fights that she has become somewhat violent with me. She is always very apologetic afterward, but I can see that during the ‘heat of the moment’ she loses control. I suspect that she has learned this kind of violence growing up and it is what she resorts to as a last resort in very difficult situations. My main concern is that we plan on having a family together and I am worried that she may lose her temper with our children someday in the future and become violent. I know she would never want to do this. Will some sort of therapy help her overcome her deeply buried violent tendencies? Or is this something she is stuck with for life. I love her dearly, but if she is going to always be a violent person then I may have to rethink whether I can or should get married to her.
Read answer →DID or Factitious?
I have been in and out of numerous treatments for an eating disorder over the past few years. I knew of one reoccurring traumatic event that happened when i was from the ages of 7-12. However, upon going into a treatment that focused both on Trauma AND the Eating Disorder and used a method that I've grown to really find helpful with my system is IFS. However, as they unfolded a few more traumatic events that I did not even remember happening (except brief short memories I always thought I was "gross" for making up, "daddy would never do that"sort of thing). My therapist at treatment and I made a timeline of events that certain parts remembered, based on my father's abuse, and we believe it happened from, perhaps as young as 2 until the last that I almost remember it, but I was watching, not there, on my 18th birthday. and i've had body memories for years; i just never knew what they were. I have so many blanks in my life, especially in my childhood, so being told that things happened freaks me out. Even when I talk to my mother and she asks if ai remember this or that and I don't. I've known my system for a while; maybe about 5 years that the original two parts came, and then onward from there - especially as they started coming out, expressing real personalities and overtaking me infront of staff and peers after a few months, I've noticed that many only come out when I feel generally safe. I was diagnosed with DD-NOS, and the diagnosis, even that, embarrasses me. I feel like a crazy person when parts come out and buy things I don't remember buying, rearranging things, etc etc. It's too much! However, the founder of IFS, Dick Schwartz, is a good friend of my therapist's, and he was going to give the unbiased diagnosis of whether or not I truly have DID. I hope you believe me when I say that I don't even want a dissociative disorder, I don't want dissociation, PTSD, let alone DID.. But he was scheduled to come on a Friday and I left due to insurance on a Wednesday. My team decided that I either most likely had mild-DID or a factitious disorder because "some of my stories of my life were too factual, or too broken up and not connecting" but the reason they don't connect is that I honestly don't remember. I want to go back to this tx facility when I go back into residential tx for trauma, but should I face them again because maybe they're right and I don't even know it, or should I go somewhere else for alternate opinion? I know you don't know me, but I looked up factitious disorder and I don't believe that such a disorder fits me. I don't want the trauma I have and I'd gladly say I made it up if I had. I wish i'd made it up.. but I didn't, you know? What should I do? and does it really sound like I maybe have a Factitious Disorder? Is it common for therapists to debate between both?
Read answer →Afghanistan PTSD
My husband is a civil engineer who works on contracts rebuilding Afghanistan. He works 3 months overseas and then comes back for a month off. He has been doing this for a couple of years now and the money is really very good. He has been back now for a little over a couple of weeks this time and I hardly recognize the man. In the past, there has sometimes been a day or two of readjustment, as we all get used to one another again after an absence, but this time it feels like he is a completely changed person and not for the better. He is usually a pretty good natured guy but now he is tense and jumpy and irritable all the time. He seems to have nightmares and doesn’t sleep well, which is also very out of character. I think that it is pretty obvious that he is having trouble dealing with something that he went through over there, but when I ask him what’s wrong and what happened he just shuts me out. He won’t admit that anything unusual happened and he won’t admit that he has changed. I think he has PTSD but I cannot be sure. I really don’t know what to do. And he is scheduled to leave again in just over a week. I am worried that he is no shape to go back into a warzone right now but he gets so angry when I say anything about it. I could talk to his managers here about what I am seeing and I am pretty sure that if I go on record with them with my concerns they will postpone or even cancel his trip overseas. But If I do that and I am wrong about it all then I may cost him a very good opportunity and our family a needed paycheck. If he does have PTSD, how serious is it for him to be heading back over to Afghanistan without dealing with it before hand?
Read answer →Getting Over a Violent Robbery
I experienced a violent home invasion about 4 months ago. I came home to find a robbery in progress and was beaten very badly before the intruders fled. I couldn’t remember much of anything useful to identify them, and so they have not been caught. I have been having a very hard time getting over the event. I moved out and found a new place across town. I just didn’t feel safe anymore at home and there was too much that was reminding me of the attack. I thought moving into a new place would help, but I am still very messed up and still have nightmares more days of the week than not. My friend, who is a nurse, has recommended keeping a daily journal or diary to write about my feelings and my memories of the attack and of the nightmares that I am having. She says that this is a therapeutic tool that is helpful for victims of trauma. I have been trying this for a week or so, but I find the experience kind of unpleasant, like reliving it unnecessarily, and it’s not making me feel any better. Is writing in a diary a good way to get past a traumatic experience? What else can I do to get on with my life?
Read answer →Do I really need therapy? Usually, I handle my own problems.
A decade ago, I survived a car crash that killed my wife. It wasn't our fault. But to this day I have memories of my wife crying out for me as she lay dying. I simply cannot get over it. I have remarried now for 6 years. My new wife is suggesting I should see a professional therapist. It is very unlike me and I'd like to think there are alternatives... What do you suggest, what are the benefits of seeking treatment? I am not rich, and a long therapy would put a big financial strain on my family...
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