Answered questions(30)
It's ok to be angry
Hi. I am 54, female from a middle class domestic violence family in NC. My father was a violent alcoholic for many years. He had BPD and extreme narcissistic traits as well as sexually abusing me for years. My family hid behind the Baptist church. My mother is a very passive church mouse who stood by her man until he died on their 51st wedding anniversary. I still struggle with CPTSD and BPD myself. I have 465 days recovery from opiate/benzos addiction. Anyway, my question is this: can you help me to understand why I feel such anger at my non-offending mother. She was born in 1929, and I grew up in the 1970s-early 1980s when church schools fought for their rights to operate without having to report anything to government officials and to keep the government out of their business. Plus, our church enforced the submissive wife model who prays for her abusive spouse to change, no matter how he treated her and any children. A lot of people I attended church school with were openly abused. Is it common for ACOA'S to feel anger at the parent who caused them to have to endure he'll on earth and allowed them to become so screwed up? how do I resolve This? She is a big PTSD trigger for me, although I love and pity her. She is sickly and in a nursing home, yet I panic every time I see her. I feel so guilty. Is this common? Any suggestions? She really is a good person, but made some horrendously hurtful decisions in life. She literally had no social support to leave him. Society would have shamed and rejected her if she had left him. She was also financially dependent on him
Read answer →Minty Fresh, Kills Germs, Gets you Drunk
How bad is it if someone drinks Listerine. Like a lot of Listerine. My brother drank like 2 big bottles of Listerine last weekend because there was no alcohol at the cottage and there was supposed to be. He snuck it but he smelled very super minty and I couldn’t find the 2 big bottles that I had just bought at price club. I think he is probably an alcoholic.
Read answer →It Gets Better
I stopped drinking because I started bleeding out of my rectum after a big drunk. Subtle clue, right. I drank as a lifestyle since I was 13. I am 34 now. I barely know how to do anything without drink. I have not had a sip for 2 weeks. Hard as balls. When will it get easier?
Read answer →Getting Sober Alone Sucks
I think I am an alcoholic. My drinking is way off the charts now. There is too much going on in the city I am always tempted. My parents have a winterized cabin in the Adirondacks. I am considering moving there for a few months to dry out and maybe to work on the book I’ve been talking about writing for too long. Here’s the thing though. I am pretty sure I can stay dry with only trees for company, but once I move back to the city am I going to be any better off or am I going to feel just like I do today – which is like getting a good buzz on at lunch time? Is sober time alone enough to help or do I have to face down my urban demons to have a hope of making this more of a lasting lifestyle change?
Read answer →Receiving Treatment Under the Influence
Does an intensive outpatient program make any sense for a person that can’t or won’t stop drinking? My uncle detoxed2 weeks ago and then his insurance company said he could only get outpatient treatment even though he clearly needs to go away because he is in really bad shape. So now he is just drunk all the time and going to these afternoon meetings completely wasted. I am not sure he isn’t happy with the deal because he gets to continue drinking while he ‘works’ on his problems.
Read answer →Believe in G.O.D. (Group Of Drunks)
I am not a Christian. I am an alcoholic and I am looking for extended rehabilitation treatment. I do not have any money to speak of and I do not need or expect anything fancy. I would be attracted to the Salvation Army programs but for a devout atheist like me they are not really an option. Do you know of any free long term rehabs for people in my situation that are not religious in nature?
Read answer →Moving on with a Heavy Heart
I just recently broke up with my boyfriend who is an alcoholic. He never wanted to take ownership for anything. Why do I feel so bad for ending everything?
Read answer →Best Professional for the Job
Hello, i am struggling with alcohol dependency or abuse, leading also naturally while drinking to heavy chain smoking and the most embarrassing of all the bed wetting after a night of excessive heavy drinking. I'm not a daily drinker but once i go out and have my first I can't manage to stop knowing i have epilepsy as well. what is the best approach to cure myself? should I work with addiction professionals? psychologists, psychiatrist...? Thank you!
Read answer →Getting off the eggshells
How long does a person stay ‘in recovery’ for? After a few years do you ever make it past this to be just normal again? I feel like we have to walk on eggshells to support my dad’s ‘recovery’ and it has been like 3 years since he was in rehab. Does he still need the kid gloves treatment from us all the time?
Read answer →How Many Kinds of Alcoholics Are There?
I feel like I need a drink or a few drinks every night to relax from my high stress financial job (yeah, I am one of those guys everyone loves to hate). When most people go on vacation they party hard but without the stress of work I can take it or leave and I mostly leave it. I know that needing a drink sounds bad, but does the fact that I only need it when I am working mean that I am not an alcoholic?
Read answer →Won't Commit and Can't be Committed
My exhusband is an alcoholic I'm seeding help mainly for our children who are the ones suffering now. Last year he lost his job due to drinking he is living with his 70+ year old mother and refuses to help her. She has taking him to the doctor and the doctor has told him to stop drinking or you will die. His mother got the doctor to perscribe annibuse, I don't know if he take this or not. He still refuses to stop drinking. I believe he is depressed also after so many years of drinking can his children have him commited so he will get the help he need. He has done the AA and to him it is his god given right to drink.
Read answer →Drinking and Driving
I have a co-worker who drinks every day at work, all day long. He doesnt seem to get drunk, but he is also the one who drives me to and from work everyday. Some days he asks me if he can get a shot in the morning before work, at like 830 am!! I am concerned for his health, but also for my safety with him driving. I have spoke to him about my concerns to no avail. What would you suggest I do?
Read answer →Confidentiality & Reassurances
My daughter is 2 months old. She seems fine. I split up with my boyfriend before I even knew I was pregnant and I went into a really bad place and I actually drank a lot for the first 4 months of the pregnancy. I am back together with my boyfriend now and we are trying to make this work. I am an alcoholic. I don’t think he could forgive me if I tell him I was drinking when pregnant or if he found out somehow. I know need to tell my pediatrician about what I did but I am scared to. She was a little small 2780 grams but her face looks fine. Will the doctor keep my drinking a secret from the dad?
Read answer →Rewarding Myself With a Drink
I can stop drinking on my own so I don’t really need to go to rehab or AA or anything like that. I never make it more than a couple of weeks though and then I will start drinking again. The problem is after a couple of weeks I am always feeling so great and I have been accomplishing so much at work and at home and stuff that it always feels so natural to reward myself or celebrate with a few beers. I have been on this on again off again cycle for years and I don’t know how to get off of it. I know it’s going to happen but I can’t seem to stop it from happening. That is the really frustrating part of it.
Read answer →Sobriety vs Recovery
Are the 12 steps the best system to use to quit drinking.
Read answer →Safety is Everything
Hi Jim, My husband is an active alcoholic. I've been going to Al-Anon meetings for four months. Just got a sponsor. I have a question for you though. When sober, my husband is a very passive man. He comes across as a super nice guy (I know him better now to know he's not a super nice guy). On a few occasions while drunk, he has said violent, hurtful things. He's punched a wall while drunk. Thinking about my safety, how concerning is this behavior if it's done when drunk? When sober, he does not go off in these type of rants. Will the alcoholism eventually lead him to behave violently when sober? I have not been physically abused by him, but have been verbally abused during his drunken rants (Mel Gibson type of alcohol rants). Thank you!
Read answer →When Your Partner is Active
Hi Jim- So as a partner with an Alcoholic does it make a difference if you are there for them or not ? My partner - I can do nothing right for he is very negative in many ways but yet I understand he is messed up and I try to be the strong person , but am I really helping or should a person walk away or stay and try to help them /us get help ? Do they ever care they threaten your life or that they get mean? I write him letter but he is never sorry for how he treats me and his son?
Read answer →Online Counseling
Hello. I have read some of your articles and resonate with the things you say. I think I am an alcoholic. I'm not drinking right now, but I'm what you'd call a "dry drunk". I am obsessed with alcohol and think about drinking all day and night. I am living in torment right now. I have seen other therapists but I haven't connected with anybody. I think I read that you do online/phone counseling. I have tricare insurance. I was wondering if you could help me. Thank you, Susan
Read answer →In Case You're Wondering, Yeah
I like to get drunk. I am 19. I did not start drinking until this year. Last night I pissed myself while asleep after getting drunk. I have been drunk about 20 times so far. Last night I had about 15 beer. I am upset. What if I was with a girl? Will this happen again? Does this mean I have a drinking problem?
Read answer →Career Suicide or D.O.A.?
If I have more than 2 or 3 drinks I lose control and cannot stop myself from going crazy. I do not always remember what happens later on in the night when this occurs and there have been a few instances when I have woken up in a surprising location – like in my car in a supermarket parking lot with no recollection of how I got there. Whether or not this makes me an alcoholic I do not know since when I am on my own I rarely drink, or if I do I would have only a glass of wine occasionally. The challenge I face is that my job demands that I be out competing for files and winning business 2 or 3 or sometimes more times a week and the guys I am courting are investment banker and very senior finance types and they like to play hard and they expect that I be up for what may or they aren’t going to be calling me for work anymore. I live in an eat what you kill business environment with a lot of people depending on me to make these deals. The reality is, if I start ordering club soda they will be very respectful of my wishes but I won’t get the call next time to go out and discuss business. This long preamble is to explain that I cannot simply stop drinking entirely, but I need to learn how to control myself after I get a few drinks in me. Please do not suggest that I stop entirely because this is impossible. It would be career suicide.
Read answer →Alcoholic or not, You Still Don't Have to Drink
I do not know if I have alcoholism or not. I have no problem not drinking at all. I have not had a drink of alcohol for just about 3 months and it is not even a big deal. So I can take it or leave it. But if I do start drinking for whatever reason then I have a hard time drinking a glass or two a day. I will start drinking 6 beers or more everyday and I will think about drinking a lot. So I think this is unhealthy which is why I stopped this latest time. So am I an alcoholic?
Read answer →Closet Drinking
I am away at school now and my mom is alone in the house. How bad of a sign is this? My mom usually has wine with dinner and then after dinner she makes a big production of making a coffee for herself but then after she finishes the coffee she goes back and pours in a full glass of red wine in her coffee mug and finishes that away from me. Usually she goes out on the porch to read while I watch TV or internet in the living room. She thinks I don’t know and she only buys wine in big boxes so you can’t see how much is in there. When I try to call her on her sneaking around she gets pissed.
Read answer →Slowing Down While Recovering from Speed
I am in meth recovery clean for 9 months. I am so bored all of the time that I want to blow my brains out (not for real. just sayin). I have a job as an office assistant and data entrey clerk. It is as fun as it sounds ): This is my third job in 6 months and I only even got it because my uncle got me in. It pays pretty well but it is like torture. My sponsor says I need to suck it up and that I can’t expect excitement all of the time and that is what gets me wanting to get high. I don’t know how people can do this kind of thing for years without going crazy.
Read answer →Possible Sde Effects
My friend has diarrhea every day of his life from drinking beer. He is 24 and he is a hard drinker. He can chug a beer in less than 2 seconds and have a case in a night. Does the diarrhea mean that his inside organs are starting to melt away from all the alcohol? I have tried to get him to stop or just smoke a j instead and take it easy but he doesn’t like weed and he won’t listen.
Read answer →Forgiving Over & Over Again
My mom has alcoholic pancreatitis. She is 36 and she has been drinking like an alcoholic for 20 years. She has been in the hospital 3 times this year with bad inflammations. When she gets an attack she is in really bad pain. It looks like torture and she starts crying and screaming. Then when she gets back out of the hospital she starts drinking again and usually it is only a few days later before she starts even though she says she is going to stop every time this happens. Does a person like this who won’t stop even in this situation have any chance of ever quitting her alcoholism for good? My dad says she can’t ever stop and we just have to forgive her. I used to think he was just quitting on her but now I think he was probably right all along.
Read answer →Drinking to Not Feel
Are alcoholics ever sad about anything? Does liquor take all their emotions away?
Read answer →Drinking to Not Feel
Why do alcoholics try to insist that you drink with them? Is part of being an alcoholic having abdoment issues?
Read answer →The Powerlessness of Living with an Active Alcoholic
My husband has a history of pancreatitis due to years of alcoholism. He is currently drinking now and I am worried about his health. I throw away the alcohol but he buys more. He won't go to the hospital or stop drinking. What do I do?
Read answer →Y.E.T. - You're Eligible Too
If my alcohol tolerance goes up a lot does this mean I have a problem? I do not drink every day but I drink heavily on weekends. I can drink 15 to 20 beers on a Saturday night without being wasted wasted. I have been drinking like this for about 5 years. I am 24. I am also a very big guy. I am 6 foot 4 and 260 pounds. I never feel like I need to drink. My girlfriend told me that having a high tolerance like I do makes me an alcoholic. She wants me to stop drinking. I feel frustrated because I do not think I am an alcoholic at all. I never miss work or cause any problems and I don’t crave alcohol. If this does mean I am an alcoholic maybe I will look twice again. That’s why I would like some clarification on this issue. I do not plan on partying like this forever but I work hard all week and I am still young and like to have fun on the weekends.
Read answer →Stages of Alcoholism
Are there exact stages of alcoholism? How do you know if you are in the early stages or the late stages or the middle stages?
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