Take My Wife...Please

Question

I want her to change. She is so embarrassing when she is drunk which is every night. I never know if she is going to yell at me for nothing or crawl into bed to try and snuggle with me and then ends up just passing out in my bed smelling like disgusting ALCOHOL and I have to sleep on the floor. She is a good mom and I don’t want to hurt her but when I try to bring it up in the morning she makes it into a joke or gets angry at me for being a drama queen. I made a video of her and I just showed it to her and now she is locked in her room crying. Did I make a mistake?

Jim LaPierre · Accepted Answer

Hi there and thanks for your question. It's good to hear from folks who struggle with female partners - we hear more often about men and alcohol. You were not at all wrong to show her the truth about her behavior. You did her a very loving and honorable service. The difficulty is - what will she be willing to do with her new found awareness. Active alcoholics tend to accept very little if any responsibility for their hurtful behavior. I encourage you to focus on your needs and the needs of the children.

Trying to push an active alcoholic to change is an exercise in futility - all we can offer is the truth and our support in them choosing to heal and do the right thing. Nothing changes if nothing changes.

I am a huge believer in Al Anon and Nar Anon as supports for the loved ones of those in addiction. I hope you will seek support for yourself regardless of what your partner chooses.

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