Sexual Expression and boundaries

Question

A guy I am going out with and I really like a lot revealed to me last night that he is into sadomasochism. He kind of broached the subject of whether I would like to do some role playing with him. I am not into pain at all and the whole idea just freaks me out! I said no and he said it was no big deal. Now I am thinking though if he is into this and I am never going to be is this a deal breaker? Is he ever going to be satisfied with me if I am never going to put on those leather ropes or whatever he wants? I am also having a hard time understanding how this sweet guy that I know gets off by giving pain to other people. Is that a warning flag I should be seeing?

Dr. Lani Chin · Accepted Answer

You sound fearful and anxious about the information you just received. I would encourage you to learn more about sado-masochism (SM) versus bondage and discipline (BD). There is an easy to read article here: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/201206/loving-introduction-bdsm. First off, find out what your partner is talking about. The images I think you may be alluding to of being tied up by leather ropes and whipped may not be what your partner is talking about. Get some more information about what he is asking you to do and have a conversation with him about what you feel comfortable with. If what he wants to do is not in your comfort zone, see if you two can come to a compromise about what the both of you might find sexually satisfying. Good luck and don't be afraid to ask questions.

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