Social Phobia: You don't have to be alone --- Help is out there!
Someone with social phobia describes assuming coworkers are talking about them negatively, reacting harshly as a result, and feeling stuck in a cycle of isolation and anger, and asks how to break free from it.
Answered by Dr. Shirley Schaye, PhD F.I.P.A.
Question
I have social phobia and I have no friends. Whenever someone at work looks at me in a weird way or whatever, I always think they're staring me down, and whenever I see a group of people at the next desk over having a quiet chat, I just immediately assume they are talking about me in a bad way.
It's kind of confusing because I know that sometimes I am just being paranoid, but at the time it feels really real and I get all anxious and upset and angry. And I am pretty sure that sometimes it is true that they are talking badly about me. Especially because I am not very popular around the office because I tend to respond to people very harshly after I think they have been talking about me behind my back. It's like I have created a negative cycle for myself where I think people are talking badly about me even when they were not, and so I respond harshly, and then the next time I think they were talking badly about me, they really were.
Some of the people at my work are just huge A-holes, but I can see that some of the problem is mine. I am really tired of being alone all the time and I am really trying to do better. How can I break free from this negative cycle I am in, especially since everyone here already thinks I am this angry loser?
I am so very sorry to hear about the problems that you are experiencing. Let's separate these issues. I understand what you are saying about the people at work and that you believe that often they are talking about you, and so it isn't always that you are being paranoid.
Well, that doesn't matter! Given that you feel the way you do, you need to get help by entering therapy to work out your issues, because even if they are being a**holes, you need to work on yourself so that if you enter a different place --- other social places or even other work --- you don't want to recreate the same pattern. Going to therapy will help you work through your social phobia and help you work on why you have no friends.
You don't need to suffer with this all by yourself. The right kind of help is out there for you. If you let me know your city, state, and zip code, I'll be happy to find the right kind of therapist for you. So if you want to break free from this cycle, get yourself into therapy. It will make an enormous difference.
About the Expert
Dr. Shirley Schaye
PhD F.I.P.A.
New York, United States of America
Specialties
Anger Management, Child or Adolescent Issues, Divorce, Compulsive Disorders, OCD, Other, Anxiety or Fears, ADHD, Finding Your Purpose in Life, Gay Lesbian Issues, Child Assessments, Parenting, Women, Sex Therapy, Loss or Grief, Infertility or Adoption, Dissociative Disorders, Life Coaching, Trauma and PTSD, Personality Disorders, Relationship Issues, Eating Disorders, Depression
License
my_license #00065-1