Filling the Emptiness

Question

i mean i have looked at treatment centers for what i feel is a sex addiction and they are all telling me that they are out of texas and really expensive. i am in texas and broke as a church mouse so what can i do? i am basically homeless you could say because i am couch hoping around from friend to friend trying to find a place to stay for more than a week at a time. i am trying to deal with a lot of things right now. but i just feel that i need to be in treatment for my sex addiction. i am 46 yrs old, and i just want to start my life over and change and to finally have a successful relationship. i kinda was not into church because i was very bdsm. which is part of the addiction. i am submissive and been told that i could be a great submissive but that i would need a Masters care and training again part of the addiction. i am very into bdsm, sex games and toys, not really into porn videos but do enjoy them but not on regular basis. i do have many one night stands just because i hate being alone and lonely. i just want to be the best person i can be and to rid myself of this pain and torment. Ann

Jim LaPierre · Accepted Answer

Hi Ann,

What you're describing feels like shame and emptiness. Being alone is something you fear and being with anyone is better than an empty bed. I don't presume to know what drives you but what you're describing doesn't feel so much like an addiction to me. It feels more like your self worth is based in being who someone else wants you to be sexually.

There is nothing inherently wrong or bad about BDSM. There's nothing wrong with being promiscuous if it brings a person satisfaction without pain. Your one night stands feel like a misguided attempt to be valued - even if it's only a matter of hours.

You are free to start your life over today.

Religion is only one way to change one's life. I vastly prefer spirituality because there are no rules to it. It's just me and what I happen to believe. I choose to believe that there is something, that it cares about me, and so I talk to it. In the worst case scenario I reason that I'm just talking to myself which is still a healthy thing to do :)

Start over. Give yourself the time and patience you'd give to someone you care about.

Outpatient therapy on a sliding scale or from a free health clinic may be able to meet your needs.

Seek local meetings of Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous.

Be kind to the woman in the mirror.

Start over. You can do this.

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